my 180

friday, july 24, 2009.

that’s when it happened. my 180. true I had repented and turned many months ago, but that was the day the Father had me realize that the 180 was complete. Psalm 30:2 states, "O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me." I have simply poured my heart out to the Father just like David. I have invited His divine hands to break me, mold me and make me into what He desires. my heart longs after Him. He is my glue.

how did this happen? the Word. the daily diving into the Word (coupled with prayer). Psalm 107:20, "He sent the word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions." yes, destructions – i.e. plural. meaning the path I was headed down had more than one snare I could have fallen into. seems King David had more than the one snare of being a whoremonger. if God can heal him why can’t He heal me?

He can only if I allow Him. Psalm 78:41 (this verse will change your life) reads, "Yea, they turned back and tempted God, and limited the Holy One of Israel." Scary! they turned back. they chose NOT to obey God fully. they tempted God. they also chose NOT to trust God fully. plus they limited the Holy One of Israel! they had compacted God into this neat little box. set Him on a shelf. and made Him watch them turn and tempt. they only needed Him for one thing. once that was complete, they disregarded Him all together. that one thing was deliverance. Israel was constantly getting into trouble and relying on God to deliver them. but God was big enough to deliver them AND keep them out of trouble so as to break the cycle!

that is my 180. I by no means am perfect. I am not prideful enough to say I can never return or will ever step away from my Saviour. but what I can tell you is that God Almighty has healed me. my thoughts are no longer plagued by my past life, though the devil tries from time to time (I Cor. 6:11). my desires have been transformed by the renewing of my mind (Rom. 12:2). I have willing placed myself, and continually, under God’s microscope (Prov. 1:23). and my greatest fear is to once again hurt my God and my Redeemer. should that be the fear of the Lord, then it is worth fearing (Prov. 2:5).

my God is so big, so strong and so mighty. there’s nothing my God cannot do. so true is that song. He IS strong enough to pull my sinful soul out of destruction. but ALSO strong enough to keep me close to Him. oh let me no longer limit the Holy One! may God receive the glory for what He has and will do with my life!

journalizing

I vividly remember a moment in time when I consciously made the decision to step into the abominable sin. little did I know that in order to fulfill my desires and flesh, I would be giving up a lifetime of serving Christ and living in God's will. every time I would set my heart on committing that sin, the Holy Spirit would convict but I chose to quench His voice. over time it became easier to ignore until that still, small voice was drowned out by my pride, the flesh and sinful desires.

it took me being hurt just a fraction of how God, His Son and the Holy Spirit had been hurt by my disobedience to wake me up to my current location of being away from Them. only then could I truly repent. as my soul was pierced with that knowledge, I knew that God was the only one who could remove me from my situation. it was as if He had caught me with my hand in the cookie jar. Busted!

though my sin has been paid for on the cross, it is a constant reminder of where one's flesh, and the need to satisfy it, can go apart from God. a very humble reminder of how the Saviour loves me and wants me to be as far away from it as possible.

where I struggle the most

My Mind...
the devil consistently regurgitates past experiences in hopes of either luring me back or to just turn away even for a moment from my Saviour's face. it is at those times I lean more firmly on the Saviour from whom I obtain strength to resist. Praise God!

My Pride...
I am fully aware this was the stone that started the downward spiral. the devil knew exactly where to lodge the best offense and I listened. God has effectively been working on my pride. even from sources other that the Bible. the book Humility was only the jumping off point. pride centers around I and what I can do. God is in no need of an I in His work. He only needs willing vessels who realize that He does not necessarily need them, but has chosen to use them. if only to give glory and praise to Him once He has worked.

it is finished

once, by one man's pen;
twice: God ends sin.

I came up with this riddle based on a verse out of the Book of Revelation. it was presented to a fellow believer in the hopes of picking his brain. also in hopes that he might be able to see what God gave me. little did I know that it would be used to teach me a truth.

see God is working on my pride. not an easy lesson but one still vital and quite necessary for my Christian growth. many times the wound is deep as pride is centered around the “I”. this lesson was important on many levels but I will stick with the truth I gleaned.

Once – Adam, first human/man.
By one man's pen – sin, enslavement, bondage to self.
Twice – second Adam or Christ.
God ends sin – John 19:30 “It is finished”.

honestly I never thought that my riddle would be so deep, but God knew I needed a different lesson than the one I originally viewed. God used it as a tool to open my eyes, via the believer, so I could learn more about Him. isn't that just one of the coolest things about God? He uses fellow Christians to open our eyes to His knowledge. Praise God He does and praise God He has ended sin!

where's the bondage?

have you ever had a verse of scripture simply jump off the page, slap you silly, then meekly return to the passage? well I have and let me tell you, it isn't pretty. actually I've had several do that and if you haven't had this same experience then I question your salvation. mine was Galatians 4:9. it reads, "But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage?" now Paul the Apostle is asking the church at Galatia why they what to return to slavery under the law. in chapter 5:1 he tells of how we are not under the law because of Christ's payment on the cross. he even goes a step further as to refer to the law as "bondage."
now why it jumped off.

God, in His grace has saved me. in His mercy He took me back even when I left Him, despite the abominations I committed. last night I had a relapse with this sin (alone). I submitted to my feelings and emotions instead of submitting to the Holy Spirit. today we; ie: God, the Holy Spirit and I; had a chat. God slapped me around with that verse and serveral others in my Bible reading. the Holy Spirit then launched into a much needed tongue lashing. not fun on my end. I realize I need to stand on the promises God had given in Romans 6, 7 & 8. especially the verse stated above.

my sin was bondage. bondage to self, pride, the flesh and my lusts. God has loosed those bonds once and for all. now I need to claim, in His power, the liberty with which He has provided. now one topic I did bring up in this chat is the spring and summer months. very much a feast for the eyes and the flesh! I've been told to not worry about the future but to rest on God and let Him give me the strength to walk through the pending trial. it is scary. not in putting your trust in God but to see how He will work. we are so much a visual-based society that even faith gets tested more by us than externally.

now I am by no means perfect, just forgiven as a sinner saved by His grace. I agree with Paul as he states my bondage needs to be only to the Saviour who died for my sins than to this fleshly abode in which my soul dwells. even so come Lord.