my 180

friday, july 24, 2009.

that’s when it happened. my 180. true I had repented and turned many months ago, but that was the day the Father had me realize that the 180 was complete. Psalm 30:2 states, "O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me." I have simply poured my heart out to the Father just like David. I have invited His divine hands to break me, mold me and make me into what He desires. my heart longs after Him. He is my glue.

how did this happen? the Word. the daily diving into the Word (coupled with prayer). Psalm 107:20, "He sent the word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions." yes, destructions – i.e. plural. meaning the path I was headed down had more than one snare I could have fallen into. seems King David had more than the one snare of being a whoremonger. if God can heal him why can’t He heal me?

He can only if I allow Him. Psalm 78:41 (this verse will change your life) reads, "Yea, they turned back and tempted God, and limited the Holy One of Israel." Scary! they turned back. they chose NOT to obey God fully. they tempted God. they also chose NOT to trust God fully. plus they limited the Holy One of Israel! they had compacted God into this neat little box. set Him on a shelf. and made Him watch them turn and tempt. they only needed Him for one thing. once that was complete, they disregarded Him all together. that one thing was deliverance. Israel was constantly getting into trouble and relying on God to deliver them. but God was big enough to deliver them AND keep them out of trouble so as to break the cycle!

that is my 180. I by no means am perfect. I am not prideful enough to say I can never return or will ever step away from my Saviour. but what I can tell you is that God Almighty has healed me. my thoughts are no longer plagued by my past life, though the devil tries from time to time (I Cor. 6:11). my desires have been transformed by the renewing of my mind (Rom. 12:2). I have willing placed myself, and continually, under God’s microscope (Prov. 1:23). and my greatest fear is to once again hurt my God and my Redeemer. should that be the fear of the Lord, then it is worth fearing (Prov. 2:5).

my God is so big, so strong and so mighty. there’s nothing my God cannot do. so true is that song. He IS strong enough to pull my sinful soul out of destruction. but ALSO strong enough to keep me close to Him. oh let me no longer limit the Holy One! may God receive the glory for what He has and will do with my life!

journalizing

I vividly remember a moment in time when I consciously made the decision to step into the abominable sin. little did I know that in order to fulfill my desires and flesh, I would be giving up a lifetime of serving Christ and living in God's will. every time I would set my heart on committing that sin, the Holy Spirit would convict but I chose to quench His voice. over time it became easier to ignore until that still, small voice was drowned out by my pride, the flesh and sinful desires.

it took me being hurt just a fraction of how God, His Son and the Holy Spirit had been hurt by my disobedience to wake me up to my current location of being away from Them. only then could I truly repent. as my soul was pierced with that knowledge, I knew that God was the only one who could remove me from my situation. it was as if He had caught me with my hand in the cookie jar. Busted!

though my sin has been paid for on the cross, it is a constant reminder of where one's flesh, and the need to satisfy it, can go apart from God. a very humble reminder of how the Saviour loves me and wants me to be as far away from it as possible.